It’s the Way You Live, Not the Way you Talk.

faithbackgroundcrossjpg

Recently at work, we had this exercise called cross training, where our team members stepped into each other’s role to truly appreciate what the other accomplishes on a daily bases.

During a visit at my location, one of my coworkers and I happened to start talking about life, the future, and where we wanted to be within the next few years.  The next morning when she came into the office she proclaimed “I told my husband about this beautiful Christian young lady that works with me, I told him all about you”

Naturally I was a little taken back. Not once within our conversation about life or the future did I mention my religious beliefs. I never mentioned faith within my goals or the reason for my goals.  I told her I was not upset with her comment but simply wondered why she assumed my faith.

She simply stated. “well am I wrong? You will learn in this life time, it is not the way you say but the way you live your life”.

She made perfect sense. There is a striking difference between people who always talk about God and his word and people who carry his word through their actions and live a life that is centered around performing good works with humility that comes from wisdom.  Occasionally when I come across people who preach God’s word within every aspect of life, I feel that I do not always properly represent my faith in God.

Within my life, I have moved a way from established religion because I stumbled across so many people who would preach one message but actions did not align to the word they  taught to the masses. As a teenager this was the first independent thought that really started to separate me from my parents and family. It was the first decision I made as a young adult. To align my actions when possible to my faith and beliefs. Not just live the truth on Sundays and to formulate my own beliefs and not take everything at face value.

As I grew older and slightly wiser, most of my actions and who I am are directly tied to my faith.  As pointed out within the book of James in chapter three, your actions should match your word. If you are wise and understand your faith than do not prove it through your words and praising God in front of others, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. If deep down there is a selfish ambition within your hurt, your actions will directly reflect this even when you tell others about the word or your faith.

Some people have told me that by not speaking on my faith, I am essentially hiding my beliefs. By leaving God out of my blog, I am not truly living up to my true purpose outlined by God.

To this I would like to combat that words and speaking God’s name is only half the battle. You can announce to the world your love for God and the good works you perform on his behalf, you can hide behind a religious mask and cast judgement based on your definition of the word of God, but I have also learned that teachers of the gospel are held to a higher standard. Your actions must always match your words. To me personally it means more that my actions are able to communicate all the words that I do not necessarily speak.  It means more to me that I perform what is true in my heart, that I do not speak ill of others, that I perform works that align with my beliefs and not to fit in with the crowd or my peers.

Preaching God’s word can be powerful but living a life and performing God’s will and purpose is even more powerful and affects a larger demographic. Not everyone is willing to hear the word of God but can connect with someone performing the work of God more easily.

My take away from this conversation with my coworker My actions and constant state of changing my environment and self is a direct reflection of my beliefs without me once uttering the name of my lord and savior.

So my challenge to each and every person is to live a life that aligns with your own purpose and goals.  Allow your actions to speak louder than the words you will ever speak.

Perform good deeds without recognition. Do not point out all the good or bad you do. Remain silent. What you do is important, in most cases more important than what you say. You cannot preach one thing in public and think your private whispers will never surface.

Until next time!

-Bella

 

 

What Are We?

The infamous DTR, is the conversation most men and some women avoid with a ten foot pool. Within our current society this conversation is unavoidable due to the current state of dating.

I never really sat and thought about this question until it was mentioned within a conversation with who I will refer to as “the blue eyed boy”.  Mr. Blue eyes simply stated that after a while he was about  to approach the question “what were we doing?”(If you do not know the outcome of this please read “Bad at Love” posted previously its alluded to in the second story). I stumbled on a generic answer that it was naturally progressing in its own direction, and I sounded like a true tool at the moment and also after  when reflecting on my answer.

To be honest, I did not know the answer to the question. We were sorta friends but were we aiming towards more? All of our conversations were mostly platonic enough with an edge of flirtation. Well to be fair a little more than an edge of flirtation.

I openly flirted and did have genuine interest but all we had was two hangouts and constant messages. Does that define a relationship label?

When you look at what dating has become within the modern society for millennials, you start to understand why the question arises so often, and how someone could easily ask the question what are we were after a few hangouts and constant communication.

Dating is a shit show. Before when analyzing dating methods in the past we went from courtships and young marriages, to less formal settings where one dated and married their high school sweetheart or typically their first love. Through a few more decades and so many other steps we some how get to our modern mess of dating without clear definition if you are just “hanging out” or are you something more. Leading to the infamous DTR conversation.

Today’s dating arena contains the following  (but not limited to) relations : Netflix and chill style dating, Christian courtships, friends with benefits, sex without the friendship, poly amorous relationships, open relationships, strictly only friends, hanging out, and the classic relationship.

To put it lightly dating is confusing. You never really know where you stand and there is the constant question that plagues us naturally:  Do they want more out of this?

Although I gave the worst douche bag answer to the “blue eyed boy” (which some day I will apologize for),  he still made me realize how unclear it could be.

With traditional dating out the window within our society, it is time for those who want something real to stop waiting to ask the question “what are we?” and to start controlling the situation from the start. We need to start dating intentionally.

Dating intentionally is a well known concept within the Christian community. That is dating someone where both of your intentions are marriage or long term commitment.

At some point although I highly agree with dating intentionally and dating someone with similar intentions, lets take this concept a step further.

It is time to start building friendships intentionally. With intentional dating someone there is already an established label, and there is already the stigma that the two of you are in fact together in some form of a relationship.

So what is building friendships intentionally?

One thing I rarely do is label every person as my friend. I have a plethora of coworkers, acquaintances, and fellow brothers and sisters in Christ but very few friends within my inner circle. Personally, friendship is an extension of my family. Many of my friends become intertwined with my life that they become an essential part of my family. There is a study that shows that people that you keep within your inner circle develop who you are and shapes key parts of your personality. My goal within my inner circle is to constantly keep people around that not only are genuinely amazing individuals,  but people that I would love to emulate in some form or a key quality they possess that I lack. Every person within my inner circle contains many characteristics that I wish to possess or help me grow and achieve goals.

Intentional friendships is not limited to people who are just potential romantic partners. The reality is you should be intentional with every friendship that you manifest and contribute to.  You should intentionally build friendships in hopes that one of the friendships could manifest into something more romantic and into intentional dating.

Building an intentional friendship is truly getting to know another person past social communication. There are four types of communication Social (superficial-weather conversation, mental (ideas and non-controversial beliefs), emotional (fears and tear jerkers, hopes, and more controversial beliefs), and spiritual.  Intentional friendship building gives you two months to really start to learn about the person. In reality it typically takes a life time to truly know another person, but taking two months without being overly romantic or any  physical touch or completely alone time is key. You really start to see if you would be friends with this person let alone date them. It allows for the infatuation period to be less about getting to know the person and more about a connection the moves past superficial communication. You move past the first stage of communication to the next and start to build the trust of the other person. At the end of two months the two of you can decide if you want to DTR, date intentionally, or just be friends. Within this stage no one gets deeply attached on an emotional level and it helps to really understand compatibility. You either find someone that you want to date or you find another friend along the way.

Which leads into dating intentionally. Dating intentionally has two aspects. The first aspect is knowing self which I discussed in my post “When to settle down” in depth, but it simplifies to knowing your own self worth, what you deserve, and not settling for anything less. Along with knowing oneself you must truly be ready to enter the third stage of communication which is emotional communication. You must be able to break down your walls and let someone else into your life.  The chasm between the first two levels of communication and the third is rather wide because the third level is the level of trust, intimacy, vulnerability, and transparency. Most of us are afraid to be wrong and absolutely terrified to be rejected and communicating at the emotional level opens us up to be rejected, hurt, and scarred.  Most of us yearn for this emotional connection and communication with people, but for individuals, like myself, we constantly push against it settling for mundane conversations about abstract ideas and superficial topics. Truly dating with intention means communicating about our fears, dreams, faith, motivation, wants, needs, and joys.

Naturally all of this leads into the last type of communication, spiritual communication,  and hopefully a relationship that withstands time.

Building friendships and dating intentionally avoids the awkward stages and conversations that we all dread. It also leads to less confusion on wants and needs as well as hurting another person or feeling hurt yourself.

This is easier said than done. I preach intentionally dating to teens until I am blue in the face but application is not always as easy.

You must truly be ready to settle down and make your intentions clear. When you are not clear about wanting to build a friendship and staying the course of intentional dating, infatuation can easily take over and true intentions get lost in translation. When you cannot adequately express yourself and your intentions, it is easy to never truly enter an intentional friendship or begin to intentionally date.

Lesson well learned from Mr. Blue Eyes , who once gave me uncontrollable butterflies. Acknowledge the need to build an intentional friendship with someone before diving into intentional (or just regular) dating. When you do not slow down and build the solid friendship, infatuation can easily fade leaving two people who truly do not know one another. If you are similar to myself be open about your walls that are hard to overcome and remember building a stable foundation is key to constructing any structure that is worth while.  Move to emotional communication and past that with someone only when you are truly ready but be open about not feeling ready. Stop trying to impress and express. Express your true self and open up to all the possibilities.

 

 

 

When to Settle Down?

After writing my last piece on being bad at love, I really had a chance to sit down and think about love and life. So I joke around about being bad at love, but the truth is I am truly not bad at love (which was evident towards the end of my last post), but I wanted to share the second half of that piece that was missing.

In a society that defines success not only by your own personal accomplishments, but also by your relationship status, it is easy to see why love is on everyone’s mind. As I get older and slightly wiser, I have started to realize that just like everything else in life, love has a timing and place.

Over the past three or so years, I have been focusing so hard on securing the perfect relationship with someone and for some reason I lost focus on how important picking the right person needed to be. I floated between people who truly were not built for the person that I was and the person that I was trying to become. This lead me to great heart-break as well as breaking other’s hearts.

The last two people who I considered dating more than friends were the two individuals I needed to enter my life to truly allow me to figure out this whole love “thing” in my own sort of way. There comes a time in every person’s life when they finally realize that they are ready to truly “settle down” in either in a relationship or life in general.

First thing, you will experience the worst heart-break that you could have ever imagined. This could be the person that you end up marrying later down in life, or it can come from a person without any romantic ties at all. You experience a heart break that will take the wind out of you. It will hit a place you did not know existed. It is the heartbreak that comes when you realize you are not ‘good enough’

A little less than a year ago, I gained feelings for someone who was a genuinely nice person but they would never see me as their ideal partner. Although our we had a similar faith, mutual respect for culture, similar cultural and religious upbringing, shared a mutual friend base, similar infatuation with one another, and career goals were in the same place, having a woman who did not constantly look up and feel inspired by him was not something he desired. Having my own career and becoming continually successful within my career was both intimidating and a turn off for him. Consequently, he only saw me as an object of desire and not a viable partner in life. One drunk night, I texted him how I felt without a filter. He never replied to my text and two weeks later he had a woman crush Wednesday on three of his social medias(if you have not figured it out it was surly not me). At the time I deleted his number, deleted him from snapchat, unfollowed him on Instagram, and unfriended him on Facebook. I have never felt an ache as bad as I did with him. My confidence took a hit, and I was not secure in the person I was becoming.

After this I took a social media hiatus for about three months and started to discover who I was. Outside of my career, social media presence, persona I present to my friends, persona to my family, and all the faces I constantly change to fit my environment. I dug deep into my faith and truly cleansed my soul. I stopped becoming the person that people expected to see or interact with and slowly became the person I always felt I was deep down. The ideal person that I wanted to not only be perceived as but the person I felt was truly who I was. I gained both my confidence and the true knowledge of my past self, current self, and what the future holds for the person I am striving to become. (Just to spoil the ending, we are both now mutual friends with respect for one another who share the same best friend so we are bound to constantly interact)

Second, you will experience one of the most satisfying times when you are not the right person for someone or someone does not see you in a romantic way and you….survive (GASP). Not just survive but thrive. You chalk it up to the person not being the right fit and move on. During the season of finding myself I dated sporadically but kept everything light and tried not to see a future or make plans with another person before I truly became content with myself. At the start of this year, things turned an unexpected turn with a coworker. It was a true infatuation stage. As the infatuation cooled for my coworker, and I truly become engrossed within career shifts on my end and some of my own personal issues, he decided to have the “let’s be friends, I am not sure if you are the one I want” talk. As I felt the conversation coming from a mile away I did not feel the doom that I would typically feel in the past. It was more of a relief. It was the moment when I truly realized that I was whole on my own. I was not searching for someone to complete me but was looking for a person to compliment the whole person I already was. I was finally searching to find another whole person. It is an awakening moment when you realize that it takes two whole people to truly pursue a relationship. Two people who realize who they are as individuals but they are also ready to merge their life with someone else that can amplify and promote growth as two people together.

Although the most recent experience did not leave me torn or had a moment where I felt like I needed to have a full on self-discovery phase (although I spent like eight hours thinking about the situation days later-because I naturally overanalyze everything), it also made me realize that every person needs to get to a certain place in life before truly jumping into the dating pool.

So here are a few ways to realize that you are truly ready to settle down.

You know it is time to “settle down” when you finally realize you are a whole person on your own. You do not need anyone to complete you. When you are broken with the pieces still on the floor and you are still reassembling the pieces of yourself, it can be impossible to allow someone else to fit the pieces together in the proper way . It is hard to truly love another person when you cannot love yourself. Accepting the love from another can only come after you love yourself and have made yourself whole. Being once broken but pieced back together allows light or love to shine through the cracks but you are still whole in your own fragmented way. Being whole is the first key to being ready to accept the love someone else has to share with you.

Settle down when you are content with yourself and not willing to change key components of yourself to please another person. Simply you can truly be the unedited version of yourself. If a certain trait is not attractive to your potential match than they are simply not meant for you. Your true self-will eventually surface and it is easier to start sharing who you truly are as a person than to have it discovered later after emotions are invested.

Settle down when you find someone who you can mutually grow with. It is not about who is more successful or who is more accomplished, it is about finding a person that allows you to grow and you do the same in return. We are humans that are constantly attempting to perfect ourselves and growth is unavoidable. You must be okay with the person you meet being someone totally different in ten, twenty, and even thirty years down the road. Change and growth can be viewed as the element of most lasting relationships because it eliminates becoming complacent or bored with the person. You will learn to love a new person every few years and so will the person you are with.

Speaking of mutually growing you must not erase the past you have and the past of the person you are with, but simply accept it. There will always be someone they loved before you, or a past that may be frightening. We all have demons or chapters of our lives that we hide away from the world. Accept the fact this impacts the person but may not define the person and who they are trying to become. We are not a victim of our past but rather a product of what our past holds. It affects each person differently and in unknowing ways but has little effect of the absolute and final outcome of who that person becomes. You are truly ready to settle down when you accept your past and are open to the idea that many people have a colorful past in turn.

Settle down when you realize you do not always need to be right (most people who know me-knows I sometimes struggle with this one). In fact, it is okay to be wrong. Having someone who thinks differently than you on some subjects is important. It keeps you from having a single mind-set and being able to see the diversity in the world. Most of us tend to find people with identical beliefs as our own and remain blind to the world around us. I am not saying that you need to find someone who is your complete opposite. Like you are a devout Christian and you need a hard-core atheist, but at the same time I am denoting that you need to find someone that may have a slightly different perspective than yourself. Just realizing that you can be like a person but be different enough to learn and grow. If you are both open-minded about ideas and do not shut down the other person’s thought process, this can help both of you grow. Agree to disagree at times.

You are ready to settle down. When another’s opinion of you does not destroy who you are. Someone telling you that you are not what they are looking for or you are not their ideal mate should not be life crushing. It can hurt, but it should not send you into eating chocolate ice cream alone and crying. Well let me stop here for one second…first anyone who makes you feel this way should never be a part of your life and you were lucky you escaped in one piece, but second the important part of this statement is that your self-worth should come from knowing who you are and never trying to live up to an image or to someone else’s ideal of who you should be.

Settle down when you realize that jealousy is a personal issue and not your love interest’s issue. Having jealously is both natural and a part of human nature. It is how we react on this needless feeling that defines us. I am naturally an overly jealous person, but through training and self-reflection I have learned a few things about it. Jealously is a true reflection on one’s own trust and confidence. It is a manifestation of self-worth and the value we place upon another’s actions that has little to do with them and more to do with our own personal demons. Jealousy is this little monster that tells you that you are not enough. Being jealous is not an issue for your partner or romantic interest to fix but simply your own. Why do you feel this way? What is the true cause of these feelings? On that note if a love interest is purposely flaunting and trying to make you jealous than that person is truly not mature enough for a real long-lasting romantic relationship and you should consider other avenues. If you are open and communicated your concerns and make it a point to tell the person that you feel a certain way because of your own securities, some people are willing to eliminate situations that will cause you to experience low self-esteem. Jealously again is natural and not saying that you should never feel jealous but realizing that jealousy is a reflection of you and not another person is key to knowing when you are truly ready to settle down.

I have focused the last few sections on self and self-reflection but being ready to settle down is a two-sided coin and also involves someone else. Being content with oneself and understanding who you are is vital in the success of a relationship, but there are many other instances that you must move past self-reflection and fulfillment to engage in the reality that a relationship takes two people and a lot of compromising and editing of your life to merge two lives into one consistent relationship.

Settle down when you are able to put someone else’s interests ahead of your own. There is compromise and sacrifice in every relationship. It could mean engaging in topics or movies that have little to no interest for you. The important message here is that in a healthy relationship, your partner’s happiness is just as important as your own. Being willing to put someone’s interest above your own, at times, is a sign that you are ready for a long-term commitment.

Settle down when you can allow the little things slide. No person is perfect and we all have traits that are undesirable. Overlooking this undesirable quirks or not bringing a large amount of attention to the small things is fundamental. We are constantly searching for the perfect person without flaw for a marriage, but most of the time we need to settle with a few quirks and overall be happy with the person they truly are. Again it is a part of being human having at least a trait or two that is not as desirable to others.

Settle down when you can accept a person for who they are at that point in life. Entering into the a relationship in hopes of changing a person into your desired mate will never work. It is important to note like stated above in healthy and thriving relationships, both partners will motivate one another to become better versions of themselves and growth is inevitable, but growth is not the same as trying to change someone’s nature. So be honest and open and never enter a relationship in hopes of trying to mold an individual into your perfect ideal mate.

Settle down when you are ready to merge your life with someone else. Although your relationship should not take up your entire existence, it does affect a large portion of your life. You become interconnected with someone else’s family, friends, hobbies, children, pets, and the list can go on forever. And consequently they become a part of yours. Sure at some point there are boundaries but willingness to allow someone into your daily routine and being a part of someone else’s is a big step on showing someone you care and are willing to make the commitment. This is the first step in building bridges into one another’s life and starting to tear down the walls that separate you from them.

I save my most valued and most important point for last. You are ready to settle down when you are happy in your singleness. As I stated above about being whole and finding self-fulfillment is beyond important. It goes hand in hand with the fact; if you are not happy single, you will not be happy in a relationship. Single is a simply word that can describe someone who is strong enough to live their life by themselves until the right person comes along to share it with them. When you are constantly looking for a relationship out of loneliness, you will find yourself settling with the first person who comes along that happens to have interest in you. You must have enough self-respect and dignity to hold out for the person that truly deserves you. The only way you can truly be able to hold out for this person is to be happy long before they have been introduced into your life.

More important thing to remember than all these signs of knowing the right time to settle down, is something that you cannot read or someone can not advise you on. That is how you feel. When a person is in the right season in life or stumbles across “the person”, you are destined to know that you are ready to leave the single life behind and build a new life alongside someone else. But until that time comes that you find the person who fits into your love story, continuously work on yourself and defining your own happiness because one day you will be able to share this with someone else.

When you are truly ready to settle down, as I experienced myself. You will surly know.

 

-Bella

Bad At Love

When looking at my blog from a far it is really tough to understand the overall theme or natural flow that exists. For many people who read and follow along, it seems a little disconnected. Like random thoughts or ideas placed into one place.

Well unfortunately  it is random thoughts and ideas that some how end up typed out and published, but more importantly there is a defined themed throughout. Each piece explores human nature and the norms in society. From stereotyping, to being introverted, suicide, being happy, struggles, and my newest series being human; each post explores aspects of society and human nature.

I typically write from a place of knowledge, wisdom, research, or my soul. One topic that is not often discussed or highly talked about it romantic relationships and love.

It is not that I do not feel like it is not a topic for discussion in regards to norms in society and human nature because it is usually a topic that plagues our society and is in fact a large aspect of being human.

Of course I will explore this topic from a specific angle within the series of Being Human at a later date (If you have not read the first two than 1. go read them because the series is bound to get interesting and the more thoughts and opinions will shape the future of the series and 2. you will not understand the difference of this post to the one in the future in the series of being human), but I often do not speak on the topic because I am one of many who cannot figure out this love thing. (or so society thinks)

It is not that I am an emotionless corporate climber without work life balance, or the opposite a hopeless romantic that jumps in and out of relationships in hopes of finding the love of my life.

I am simply bad at love.

Writing that is both a relief and also really tough for me. I am person that prides myself in becoming successful in anything and everything that I truly put effort into. I believe the more effort and time you spend, you will soon reap the rewards of your effort. Regardless of the time I put into love and finding love or the time I allow escape and let nature takes its course the more I come back empty handed.

We as Americans are engrained in the belief that if you hit 30 and you are still single and on the market that you ultimately are one of two thing. First is that you placed importance on your career over finding love or you are not lovable. We live in a society where relationship goals is a hashtag and oversharing everything in life including your love for another is normal.

As I slowly creep towards the age where I am unable to donate my eggs due to my age, and having more than one pet makes you a _______ mom or lady. I have had to stop and really think about love.

Have I found romantic love. No not within a life long person, but I have found love. Love in my career. Love in who I am. Love in my confidence. Love in laughing. Love within my family. Love in my purpose. Love in my faith. Love in my sweet pups that deal with my craziness. Love in the daily joys.

I am not bad at love, I am bad at the image of romantic love in society. I have so much love to give and have not found the person to share it with. I do not know if I believe in soul mates or a defined love of my life. But I know when it is my time to explore romantic love, it will not be the idealized image that society has engrained in me to have and strive for. It will be this true and honest love that I have been learning exists in my daily routine.

Being Human Part 2: Faith

At the start of the year, I promised that I would write once a week….

That was two months ago. In the mean time, I failed to update my blog and this series fell by the way side. I am infamous for starting long haul projects and pausing for another project and somehow forgetting that another project meant so much.

As I struggle to find my place and continue on a million and two other projects, I needed to stop and come back to the project that constantly plagues me. What it is like being human?

As I am continuing within my career and constantly am surrounded by a multitude of life stories from the people I work with, the people I work for, and the people that I am in charge of helping, I cannot help but constantly come back to this project.

As I started the series I wanted to explore different facets of human nature and norms in society that in fact become the large picture of ‘being human’.  One of the largest factors that both fascinates me and is also a subject that is near and dear to my heart is faith.

As humans within the world we all face different paths, decisions, hardships, upbringings, internal struggles, and the list is endless. Although we are all drastically different there is a constant theme that filters through society and that is Faith.

Eighty-four percent of the world population has a faith in some sort of religion.  That equates to over 8 out of 10 people having some sort of belief system defined by a specific religious affiliation.  In reality the eighty-four percent refers to people who identify as having a belief in a religion and does not account for the amount of influence that their religion has upon their life and values but it still gives an idea of Faith and the idea of faith within the world.

A part of being human and the way we live our lives is contingent upon a number of factors but regardless faith is a large factor for the majority of the world.

Faith can be defined in a multitude of ways but one that I personally would like to draw from, not only for this post but one that I utilize anytime I speak of faith is the following:

Faith- strong or unshakable belief in something, esp without proof.

As I explore the people around me, I tend to also explore the aspects of faith in individuals.  I tend to come across two main groups of individuals, people who are deep and steadfast in their religion and people who think religion is the most ludicrous idea. One thing struck me, they all have a faith. Both have this Faith that things in this world have a natural order and that life has it’s own wait of turning things around.

It is a funny thing, Humans are built on this little feeling of Faith and what is yet to come. Regardless if it is a new day or new beginning. Faith is the corner stone of us Humans in one way or another.

Faith in the future. Faith in a new day. Faith in a divine being. Faith in heaven and hell. Faith in a place better than where you are at. Faith in tomorrow. Faith in who you are. Faith in your religion. Faith in your convictions. Faith in the good in the world. Faith in karma. Faith in what is to come. Faith in others. Faith in the unknown. Faith in science. Faith in technology. Faith in finding a cure. Faith in oneself.

Faith is constantly around us, and we each carry a little bit with us each day.

Faith is a subject that not only makes us human but divides us. It is the catalyst that perpetuate wars. A large subject constantly used as a way to separate each of us from one another instead of realizing it is a common ground for all of us.

What is being Human?

Being Human is having Faith. Having a strong and unshakeable belief is something.

But that ‘something’ is often times what separates us.

Please comment and share you thoughts below, I would love to know your opinions. Also there are a ton more subjects a head on being human, if you want to talk or discuss something specifically feel free to email, DM on Instagram, or leave a comment. I will be sure to answer or address it within a post.  Also to get an understanding of the series please see Being Human: Introduction.

Until next time.

-Bella

 

 

 

Chasing Butterflies 2.0

Within the past year, I have adopted and coined the phrase ““Chase the butterflies, because that is when you feel truly alive”.   Anyone who actively follows my writing has read multiple pieces about chasing the feeling regardless if it comes to love, changes in life, or something as mundane as sharing your soul through your work.  This has been a constant motto when I decide to actively pursue a new adventure in life.

Every human naturally has the instincts to alert them of danger and unknown territory.  We are naturally programmed to distance ourselves from things that are not natural to our-self. When things are not familiar we begin to feel afraid, our hearts starts to race, we become nervous, we avoid the unfamiliar, and ultimately we stay within our comfort zone.  We are simply creatures of habit.  Our brain is also programmed to tell us “you cannot get this done”, “this is crazy”, and any other phrase that stops us from pursuing something head on.

Due to my natural inclination to remain within comfort, I have made it my personal goal to chase the butterflies, to push past all my fears.  To become truly alive.  Fear is such a huge limitation even when we do not even recognize fear. Personally my anxiety and the expectations that I see within society limits the things that I pursue.  The truth is I limit myself in so many ways in life, as do so many other individuals.  We constantly tell ourselves that we are not good enough or allow society to tell us what is acceptable and what is not.  Chasing the butterflies has become a constant reminder that at the point when the fear of the unknown comes within my life that  I will constantly pursue that unknown.  That moment when you fear jumping the most is when you need to take the leap because growth is not developed within comfort zones.

As I coined “chasing the butterflies”, I have never stopped to think of the symbolism and importance of butterflies within the world view.  Butterflies have a vast amount of meanings depending on the person and the culture.  Within the christian religion butterflies signify resurrection, other people around the world see it as symbols representing endurance, change, hope, and life. There are so many heartfelt stories and meaning to each person that you come across.

Today as I hastily began to get ready for my last Sunday within my current position, I look up on my mirror and see a green butterfly. My first thought was that I was going to remind my niece to stop placing stickers on things throughout my house, and something told me to blow on the sticker, as i began to blow the wings of the butterfly fluttered and than moved to another position.  This was in fact a butterfly in my bathroom at 7 am in the morning was pretty peculiar and it was my favorite color.

I am not a person that believes in coincidence or mistakes.  That butterfly was my symbol.   It was a symbol for my life and the current life circumstances that I am at right now.  I am making a huge career move, and I have been questioning if my abilities will be suited well with the new responsibility. I have been struggling with my confidence to drive steadily into the future without looking back.  I have had butterflies and have felt the fear lingering within the dark corners of my being. Not only with my career but also within many aspects of my personal life.  The color green is a symbol of growth, ambition, harmony, renewal, and energy.  It is time for my new path. I am going to chase my green butterfly and start to feel more alive than ever before.

You will always catch me chasing the butterflies.

 

A Trait better than the Rest

There is a character trait that is overlooked but is the key to success. So often people before hiring an individual, dating someone new, or trying to feel someone out for the first time look at so many traits that are important but lack a growth aspect.  Most people look for skills or traits of kindness, intercommunication skills, sociability, and team work ethic. All of these skills are beyond important but there is one that is often overlooked and more valuable than any other skill.

This is being open minded.  Being open minded is the difference between someone who can get anything done, and someone that is willing to get everything done considering every factor.

A broad definition of open mindedness is receptiveness to new ideas. Openmindedness relates to the way in which people approach the views and knowledge of others, and “incorporate the beliefs that others should be free to express their views and that the value of others’ knowledge should be recognized.”

This is not saying that they do not hold their own opinions and have strong opinions on a subject. It means that they can function within a team with people who may not hold the same beliefs. That they are willing to hear a topic.  That although they may never change their mind on a topic, they will at least hear out someone’s opinion to gain new knowledge or appreciation of a new perspective.

People who are open minded are naturally more empathetic, knowledgeable, and well rounded than people who have a fixed belief while disregarding any other belief system.  Personally having an open mind always leads to bigger and better places.  It shows that you are flexible and can tolerate circumstances that may be out of line with what you know.  It makes you a life long student willing to share with others their knowledge and beliefs on a topic.

It is never too late to take off the rose colored lenses and see life through others shades of lenses.  You might just like what is out there.