A Trait better than the Rest

There is a character trait that is overlooked but is the key to success. So often people before hiring an individual, dating someone new, or trying to feel someone out for the first time look at so many traits that are important but lack a growth aspect.  Most people look for skills or traits of kindness, intercommunication skills, sociability, and team work ethic. All of these skills are beyond important but there is one that is often overlooked and more valuable than any other skill.

This is being open minded.  Being open minded is the difference between someone who can get anything done, and someone that is willing to get everything done considering every factor.

A broad definition of open mindedness is receptiveness to new ideas. Openmindedness relates to the way in which people approach the views and knowledge of others, and “incorporate the beliefs that others should be free to express their views and that the value of others’ knowledge should be recognized.”

This is not saying that they do not hold their own opinions and have strong opinions on a subject. It means that they can function within a team with people who may not hold the same beliefs. That they are willing to hear a topic.  That although they may never change their mind on a topic, they will at least hear out someone’s opinion to gain new knowledge or appreciation of a new perspective.

People who are open minded are naturally more empathetic, knowledgeable, and well rounded than people who have a fixed belief while disregarding any other belief system.  Personally having an open mind always leads to bigger and better places.  It shows that you are flexible and can tolerate circumstances that may be out of line with what you know.  It makes you a life long student willing to share with others their knowledge and beliefs on a topic.

It is never too late to take off the rose colored lenses and see life through others shades of lenses.  You might just like what is out there.

Why I Write…

When coming across my blog, most people can see such a large variety within my topics. My topics range and does not seem like they are one cohesive unit.  All of my writing centers around real life. It examines the daily challenges of a person regardless who you are. It pinpoints the injustices and struggles within the society we live in.  I am here to remind everyone life is not what is on social media. It is not this defined happy place that we all want to paint for others to see.

Life is an adventure with a ton of twists and turns along the way.  I am about sharing the negatives not just the perfected edited glossy prints. This is a space that is open to all opinions that is backed by research and proof. A place to share you fears of not feeling like you are enough.  To realize that your future is shaped by what you do not the images that society wants you to be.

This is a reminder and a compilation of all the crazy thoughts that we all have but it may not always be expressed.

Please share your opinions and let me know your thoughts….

 

 

 

Life Sucks

Everyday I come across articles that talk about how we should live the best life and a ton of positive messages.  The truth is I am a positive walking billboard.  I always see light in the darkest of places, and find a lesson in every circumstance.  I am a true optimist.  I share all those positive messages on my social media and I am constantly trying to up lift the people within my inner circle.

Although I am way too positive, the truth is life sucks, especially the day to day mundane bull crap.   My life is hard and I am constantly battling against dark forces.  I work more than I sleep. I never have time just to breath.  Life is truly hard.

There it is, the truth have been told. Just being able to share the fact that life sucks is beyond liberating.

With that being said, lately I have been thinking a lot about karma and others motives.  I have not firmly determined if I believe in the concept of Karma.  Truth be told I have seen some pretty terrible things happen to the best of people and some of the greatest things happen to people who obtain riches through terrible means.

I do not know why bad things happen to good people and the reverse, but what i do know, life is less about what happens to us and more about how we handle everything that happens to us.

I am someone who legitimately has the worse luck, if there is something bad to happen it will happen to me.  The funny thing is I chalk each experience up to a funny story or as a way to understand the world around me.  Truth is life sucks, but you can treat each horrible experience as a reason to complain or take life by the horns and keep it moving.

 

 

What Are You?

This poem/ open word piece is dedicated to anyone who has been wrongfully identified as a different race or ethnicity. It is also a testament of how I feel when people judge or make an assumption based on my physical features.

Your almond shaped eyes are so deer like, Are you middle eastern.

Your skin has a golden brown hue, Are you Puerto-rican.

You eye brows are dark, thick, and well defined, are you Italian.

You are hips are larger in proportion to your tiny waste, Are you African American?

Your nose is round and lacks a defined ridge, Are you Mexican?

Your hair creates the most perfect spiral curl, Are you Dominican?

Your lips are so full, are you Latin?

You speak Spanish, You must be a Latina.

You speak English with a lack of ethnic accent, you enunciate your words, you know the difference between to, too, and two. What are you?

I speak multiple languages, fluent in two and can understand four because I have a desire to communicate to every person that crosses my path. I do not expect everyone to know English. I speak Spanish because I yearn to travel the world.

My full lips allow me to speak up when everyone falls silent. It helps me to spread a positive message to the world, and call people to action. My lips are full of action.

My curls decide to twist, wrap, and take a different course everyday. Just like life my curls take their own direction. Sometimes I see them as a mess where others see their beauty. My curls are there to show a perfect representation of my life. Its crazy and a mess but outsiders only see the beauty of it.

My round nose that lacks definition. It does it’s job. It smells the small things like flowers budding, chicken frying, and my dirty dishes. It may not have a defined look, but its purpose is to allow me to appreciate the little things and warn me against hazard.

My large hips protects me when I fall. They allow me to bounce back. The also bare all the negative comments about women and how their bodies should look. They hold me upright when I should be falling apart.

My eyebrows are dark, thick, and well defined. They protect my eyes from dirt and anything that should not be within my precious eyes. They are well defined like my perception on things that do not belong in my life. They are thick because they had to shield my eyes from the world.

My golden hue skin. This was created from love. Two people who did not see color but love. I golden hue is unique like no other because it is never the same hue. It changes with time. The more light in my life the darker I become. The more I see darkness the lighter my skin becomes It reflects my life and mental health. It is an indicator of where I have been through.

Lastly my eyes. The beautiful almond shapes sees the world as it truly is. It sees that brown people are not viewed the same as the white man. My eyes see that the color of my skin is a predetermination of guilt. It sees that when I speak Spanish because of a language barrier others look at me like I do not belong. I see the the media wants to cast people of middle eastern decent as terrorists. I see that not all men are treated equal even if we are created equal. I see the injustice. I see the pain that is caused by injustice. Most importantly I see you judging me for who you think I may be from only my physical features.

What am I?

I am human like you.

Miracle Intervention

I am a big believer that everything happens for  a reason.  There is a purpose behind every mishap in life. Life tends to knock us down for a reason.  Although I believe that nothing happens by coincidence, when something terrible in life happens I always blame it one my terrible luck or the fact that I attract mishaps or problems.

The truth is no one wants to have negative things happen to them, but every good or bad experience in life teaches us all about this crazy thing we call life. It gives us strength that was hidden behind every good experience. It teaches us that bad things happen to you regardless of the type of person you are. To enjoy the little things in life, to enjoy the feeling of the sun on your skin, the wind on a hot day, and the people that make you smile from ear to ear. Misfortune puts life into perspective.

This year has been an even mix of peaks and valleys that have sent my life in every direction. I have made so many strides forward but have also had things tear me down to nothing.  With my last valley, I truly had the roughest time accepting that this was just another lesson. I did not see the light or anything positive coming from it. I honestly felt lost. I felt like my life lacked direction and that everything was spinning out of control.

Now honestly I have not fully recovered. I am still struggling from my last valley.  The light is not shining bright, and I am in search of the next peak and climbing the mountain. I cannot firmly say that this was the greatest life lesson I received but it was a miracle in disguise.

I have been living slightly over my means, and life decided to eliminate that and leaving me no choice but to live within my means. Now my finances and budget is on point allowing me to put a large portion of my checks into my savings again. The second thing that has happened is that I have been trying to reduce the size of my circle. Eliminate the negativity and to start keeping my life as positive as possible.  Part of this issue before my miracle was that I was invested into this small venture with someone that has been a constant source of negativity within my life. They worked harder to bring me down than to help lift me up. It was one of the most toxic relationships within my life.

The greatest things that I have learned is that sometimes when life seems to have turned upside down and you feel like moving on is impossible, maybe this is the miracle intervention that you needed. It is that swift kick in the butt that you might need. It will make a life decision that you would not have necessarily made on your own.  Instead of letting things tear you down, look and find the strength within yourself that you never thought was imaginable. Life will never stop giving you lemons, but there is always tequila for sale. So take a shot, eat the damn lemon, and keep on moving forward.

 

Lots of love.  From someone still climbing out of the valley to reach a new peak.

Changing the Way We think

I will not deny, I am a sucker for proposal stories and videos. I love to watch giant displays of love that end with the “happily ever after” moment.  I cry and become a stereotypical girl. I cannot help myself.  Something deep inside makes me love the emotion and the whole production of it.

Recently, I stumbled across what seemed to a public proposal video, but ended up being a social experiment where the female would decline the offer in front of a large crowd. At the start of the video the mall goers were excited and pumped for the proposal, and after the reality of her answer, the crowd of people started laughing, live tweeting the occasion, and celebrating the misfortune as if it was a comedy show.

Than out of no where a man that had a language barrier approached the guy proposing. He helped him to his feet, and tried to console him.  What struck me as odd and also as familiar is the way we celebrate others misfortunes.

All too often we seem to compare our lives to others in our immediate circle, age bracket, graduation class, or any other groups we decide to align with. Some of us see others accomplishments and compare our short falls to their fortunate. We never truly celebrate someone else without comparing ourselves to them.

As a culture we seem to celebrate the misfortune of others as well as the positive nature. We make a joke out of hurt feelings. We laugh at others for their short comings. We treat one another so harshly.

Now I am not going to say I am a saint that has never said anything mean or laugh at another’s expense, but everyday I learn a little bit about myself and also learn to embrace and change my flaws.  This video was a wake up call, although I would never have done what those spectators have done, it has helped me to realize how many times I have done or said something that is truly hurtful to another.

The reality is that we are all human, and we will never completely stop the negative behaviors that has been well ingrained within us, but being aware of our actions is the first step towards becoming the person we want to become.  Lets try to stop judging people on their downfalls, and joking about others misfortune.  Let’s give people the respect that we wish people gave us.

In case you would like to view the video for yourself.

Meet my Squishy.

Squishy: A person who carries their emotions on their sleeve and are open to express emotions to others. People who are not afraid to share their love, heart, and soul with others. A person who appears to be more vulnerable but open to the possibly of love and romance.

One of my best friends is of the opposite sex. We both meet in college and learned that personality wise we are pretty similar. Although I have theories on the nature and cause of our dynamic personas, it all boils down to that we just vibe and understand the underlying nature of one another on a weird level because in many ways we are practically the same person. We know our downfalls, and what outside forces change our beings.  We are different enough but face similar obstacles in many realms of life especially in regards to trusting others.

Due to our natural similarity, my dear friend figured out my love life by fixing and accomplishing the impossible within his own.   He is due to be married to the love of his life within the next few weeks, and along the way discovered our weakness.  Our weakness is the squishy.

To allow some history, I am a guarded person. I keep my emotions in place and never allow myself to truly love someone on a romantic level. I am great at making people like and most of the time love me without returning the same mutual feelings.  By nature I do not feel emotions on the same level as “normal” humans. I rarely get “butterflies” in my stomach, I do not see wedding bells and future children, and I never plan on them meeting my family or friends (which are a huge part of my life). That does not mean I do not date because I date and get a decent amount of interest, but usually my friends and family find out by me talking about “this” guy I dated last month.

Recently I had a slight change.  I was introduced to someone who intrigued me initially, annoyed me beyond measure, but ultimately made me have the “normal” emotional feelings that people have. As my friend, mentioned at the beginning,  would say “I met my squishy”, a person that felt natural to be around, but also gave me the butterfly feeling. Someone who I did not shut off within the first three hours of meeting.  That I laughed at the very things that usually would make my skin crawl… you know the horrible pick up lines, being philosophical for no reason at all, talking about how sexy Latinas’ are (because he assumed I was a Latina which drives me crazy), making everything into an analogy that makes absolutely no sense at all, not being direct, and making  unnecessary rash and rude comments as a joke to prevent people from getting mad. In general he is everything that I never go for in a guy, but felt drawn to him for no good reason.  I finally felt vulnerable. Being near him felt natural and familiar. For once I did not give half truths to someone that I hardly knew from a random stranger on the street. A light finally went off.

To put everything into perspective, and to get to the point of this whole thing, I finally felt something.  I felt the mushy, squishy feelings that I have suppressed and never thought possible. I met one of my “squishes” .  Luckily, I have a guide who has went through the same process as me to help figure out my feelings and to make me recognize that he is not the only squishy I will encounter. I will find one that one day, I will ultimately marry (which if anyone who knows me well enough knows is a frightening thought for me). One day I will become truly vulnerable, and this person will awaken every emotion that is buried deep inside.  Until than (which I am glad it is not now because I am truly not ready for it) I will go through life carefree and know that deep down I am actually human and not a machine without feelings. I will constantly be searching for the person that gives me instant butterflies, and will be my forever squishy.

My advice is to open yourself to unexplained feelings.  If you are an over emotional person who falls for each person that crosses your path, know that there will be someone that will one day reciprocate those same feelings.  For those who guard your heart and soul, you will find someone that will destroy every barrier that you are hiding behind.  It is okay to be afraid of the vulnerability, it would more concerning if you are not. Regardless, you will be loved beyond measure and  you will love like you never imagined possible. Romantic love is in the cards for you. Just have faith or run away both are viable options (in my unemotional, unprofessional opinion).

Spoiler alert: This first squishy was not a squishy meant for me. He is meant to rescue someone else (and I am meant to rescue another-at least for the time being), but I have determined that without him disturbing my unemotional state, I would never have gained the knowledge that there is someone out there that will awaken my soul like no other person has.  A special thanks to my best friend, his future wife that some how manages to love him and be great friends with me (two people who are resilient and tough as nails), and of course to my first squishy who has shown me what life as an emotional person feels like,  who unfortunately will somewhat remain in my life due to mutual acquaintances.

Until the next time…. I will continue to chase the butterflies.

-Bella Kat